Immashutterbug’s Weblog

Ten days ago I felt like I had hit rock bottom. That I had no friends, felt like no one really cared, over-looked, forgotten and more. Well, tonight it has hit me full force that the people I thought I knew, but have come to realize I don’t know as much as I thought I did, feel the same way. Its funny how I would have the same feelings over a week ago, feelings that my friends are confiding in me tonight.  Its strange to realize that the people who I claimed were in the crowd that always knew what was going on, the people that are so tight-knit, that they are the ones telling me that they feel over-looked and out of the loop. I would have never thought such a thing.

Maybe its God’s way of showing me that everyone feels left out. That we all feel like no one cares, that no one is there to listen. The other day when I felt so incredibly low my friend tried to reason with me, just like I’m trying to reason with my friends. Amidst my complaining and venting she offered these words of wisdom: ppl can be rude. but they haven’t always been like this. maybe they just start feeling comfortable and so they become rude. I’ve come to realize that I don’t want to get so comfortable with my friends and with the way things are that I become rude to others and new ideas and situations. I want to be a person who is open to new ideas and views; someone who people can say, ‘hey, this girl will listen even if she doesn’t agree with you, and she wont bash you for your thoughts or actions.’ I just want to be a girl who listens to God and I want to be like Him as much as possible. I know my Jesus wouldn’t want us to make each other feel so low. He wouldn’t want us to leave others out; to make others feel so downhearted that we contemplate leaving xa like I did the other week. And yet, we do this to ourselves. We do it day in and day out, as the weeks pass into long awaited years. Why??? There is no reason for it. We, as the body of Christ, should be building each other up!!!!! We should be helping each other break the chains that bind us, and we should be overcoming them. But instead, we allow ourselves to get in these petty, non-Christ-like situations and we don’t care what it does to other people. Its no wonder non-christians view us as hypocrites-we view ourselves as that!

I don’t want to be known as a hypocrite. I want people to see me as someone who keeps their word, as someone they can confide in and not have to worry about the world finding out, as someone who will love them no matter what happens. I know I can only do this through Christ’s help; through my surrender and His help can I overcome this. But its not a one-time deal like so many people make it be. Its a daily thing of dying to self desires and surrendering to God’s. I don’t want to live for myself-I’ve seen how that is and I don’t like it. I just don’t understand how we can call ourselves Christians, or Christ followers, and yet nothing we say or do promotes Christ. Its not right. We end up bashing out Savior’s name instead of revealing it in love.

I guess I’m just blogging all this to say that we, I, we all need to step up and realize what we are doing and if it is in fact showing God’s love to others or not. If not, then we need to change. We should be showing love to one another, and not bashing people, not leaving them out, not leaving them down-hearted and in despaire. What kind of friends can we be to people who need Jesus if we can’t even be friends to those who know Him?

At this last 707 for the year, Bobby said an awesome thing that really got to me. He was talking about the phrase ‘live your life with no regrets’ and he said, “I don’t want to live my life with no regrets-I’ve tried that and I still have regrets. My new life goal is to try and move everyone I meet one step closer to Jesus. The saved, the un-saved; it doesn’t matter. We all need to move one step closer to Jesus.” THAT’s the kind of person I want to be. The kind who tries to bring everyone I know just one tiny step closer to Jesus. We all need that in our lives, so why don’t we follow through and live like that?
-immashutterbug