I’m having surgery tomorrow.
I’ve never had surgery before. This has always been one of my nightmares-something I never told anyone. But I’m scared to under-go anesthesia because I’m afraid of that 1% chance of death. Even though I know 100% with my whole heart that I’d be going to live in Heaven with my Savior, I have always had this fear. I know it’s stupid. I know its not going to happen to me. I know I’m going to wake up after it and to the enjoyment of everyone, make a total fool of myself while I’m recovering from the meds, but I’m still scared. My Jesus knows how much I want to meet Him; how much I’d love to be with Him as soon as possible, but I can’t help but want to continue my life here. Its stupid how we cling to something we think is good when we know that if we just let go, something so much better is in store for us. But its the fear of the unknown that keeps us clinging on for as long as we can. I have so much left in life that I want to do, to see, to hold. And yet, I know if I were to die, I’d never be worried about all that I missed out on here on earth, because everything in Heaven would be ten-fold the awesomenss that it would be here.
But still, I fear. Why can’t I have the courage of Benaiah?? A man who feared nothing, so it seems, to the point that he ‘went down into a pit on a snowy day and killed a lion’. Read 2 Samuel 23:20-23 if you don’t believe me. Or how about the hard-core Josheb-Basshebeth?? His courage was so full-force that he killed 800 men in one encounter. Now, I don’t plan on killing anyone, ever, but I mean, how could you not want courage like that? Or how about some superhero power that your own weapon becomes attached to you? Eleazar, one of King David’s 3 mighty men, not only had superhuman fear control but also kept killing the Philistines until his hand grew tired and froze to his hand. It freaking FROZE to his hand!!!
Either way, I know this fear is for nothing. This surgery has been going on for thousands of years I’m sure…if not, at least its been done thousands of times for years upon years. I’m just going to hold on to Some verses in 2 Samuel chapter 22:
29 You are my lamp, O Lord;
the Lord turns my darkness into light.
31 He is a shield for all who take refuge in him.
33 It is God who arms me with strength
and makes my ways perfect.
I mean…its just wisdom teeth surgery, right? What could go wrong?
-immashutterbug
