October 29, 2008 at 11:38 pm (1 Year Realizations, Bible Thoughts, Thoughts, Uncategorized)
Tags: Calling, Chi Alpha, College, english, Games, Growth, Leader, Leadership, Life, School, Soccer, Sports
Ah, I think I’m growing up some. Which is a totally great thing. 
Let’s see…
1. I’ve finally accepted God’s will for my life. This is awesome. I so incredibly at peace now with school. I know that He’s somehow going to make it that I get my degree if I am to do what He’s calling me to do. I’m also at peace that somehow I should be able to get into the English program, especially when I seem to be at ease with creative writing, unlike that crap called business. But I’m so excited about what God’s doing in my life. In fact, I might sign up to take some classes that are once a month, and if so, it’ll help me out even better. I definetely need to pray about them and whatnot, but its awesome to see what He’s showing me and where He’s taking me.
2. I stepped out of my “box” tonight a bit. I am by no means a sports person, but because I had about three people asking me to play, I decided to join the Field Games Lifegroup tonight in playing kickball. Only, we got there and the field was taken by baseball practices. So then we all decided on basketball, only we went to the outdoor courts at the gym to only have them all locked up. Soccer was what we ended up playing. :/ I am not a fan of soccer. But I didn’t complain (other than the occassional “i hate soccer” with a smile). Of course I was horrible at playing though. My team was really nice about it though, and they basically wouldn’t let me quit playing. haha. We even had some international guys come up and ask to play with us, and they kept trying to teach me. It was pretty cool.
3. I feel like I’m doing better in XA now that I’ve accepted what God’s been trying to get my attention on for the past month or so. I feel like I’m getting back in the groove of things, whereas I just felt sort of outcasted. I know its stupid to think, but a lot of the time I feel like the guys aren’t really all that close of friends with me even though we hang out all the time. Its totally dumb, because the guys definetely call me up on stuff to do or invite me to chill and hang out. But anyways, I’m feeling better about XA over all.
Growing up is kind of frightening, but its exciting as well. I can’t wait to see how God keeps growing me as this semester goes by. 
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October 24, 2008 at 12:55 am (Pictures, Uncategorized)
Tags: lake, photogaphy, photographs, Photos, Pictures, Water, wood
I went walking at Lake Johnson today and took some pictures…this is the best out of them all I think.
Water’s Kiss
I had some fun with aperture.
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October 2, 2008 at 7:45 pm (Bible Thoughts, Rants, Thoughts, Uncategorized)
i feel like im breaking, falling, careening in a thousand different directions and i’m never going to be fully together again.
i feel that i’m never going to get into the major that i want to be in-that im just going to fail all over again, and i don’t want that.
im good at writing. i had 4 different people tell me over the past 2 days that they cried when reading my short story (see previous blog entry). i’ve finally found something that im good at, and im afraid that i won’t pass two of these classes with a b- or higher. i can barely make c’s on tests.
i’m trying so hard to hold on to my faith; to believe that God has something amazing in store for me. that He knows what i’m going to do with my life; that he has a reason for me being here. but i’m failing miserably.
i can’t sleep. i can’t focus. i’ve gotten 14 hours of sleep over the past 3-4 days. i’m falling apart and i’m doing a great job of hiding it from everyone with the exception of this once a week day. this day where i am so ornery and testy and moody. im short and cross with people and i know it. so i keep my mouth shut, my head down, and i fade into the backlight. no one notices and if they do notice, they don’t act on it, and if they act on it, then don’t try and dig deeper into what is wrong. its just the surface. i freakin HATE the surface. but even i manage to inquire only on the surface level, so whats the point in getting mad? i’m no different.
in leadership tonight, we watched a video on improving our strengths; to better our strengths instead of trying to better our weaknesses. but what if the only way to better your strength is to better your weakness…and you can’t seem to better your weakness. what then? ever since i was little i’ve loved writing. i was always coming up with stories, random songs, poems, phrases, words. i had the most active imagination ever. and then i let that passion get away from me. but now that its back i dont want to lose it again.
…………….i’m just going to have to keep trusting that God has me in His hands. that He knows whats in store for me. i need to have faith in him; to believe him; to trust that He wants the best for me. like, i know that He does, but do i trust Him enough to believe what i know? i have to. i can’t live not believing, not trusting, not having faith in Him. but i feel so lost right now.
Lord, please, just reveal yourself to me. I need to feel you. I need to hear your voice. I need to know that your guiding me. Help me discern your voice from this doubtful one. You uplift, you don’t bring down. Help me to realize that each time I start hearing this haunting. Lead me, Jesus. Guide me. I need you. I love you Lord.
-immashutterbug
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October 2, 2008 at 12:05 am (Thoughts, Uncategorized)
So I’ve started another side-blog. It’ll be where I post up stories and whatnot. Mostly so I can get critiques on my writing for my Fiction Writing class that I’m taking this semester; maybe random people will come across it and tell me their thoughts-what I need to fix, change, what they like about it, etc. Who knows…you can go here if you want to read my stuff:
immashutterbug
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