Sometimes, it’s difficult to put into words the emotions I feel when I look upon nature’s beauty. This is the closest I could get tonight, and yet, it still doesn’t reflect quite what I wanted to say:
Slowly, evening painted delicate strokes of lavender over the horizon.
I am a work in progress.
Sunset over York, PA Photo taken by author of this blog, Immashutterbug, IG account @grandma_kel
I haven’t been trusting in you.
The months since my job let me go have been long and silent, filled with nonsensical buzzing that seems muted at best.
I want to wake up out of this silence and experience the radiance before me.
I want to hear the songs in my heart.
I want to sing them aloud, not fearing the thoughts of those who hear me.
I want to taste with my eyes the very colors you layered the earth with like never before.
Jesus, wake me out of this stupor.
Lord, in your holy name, in Christ’s name, by the power of the Risen Lamb
I am free.
Sipping coffee when the overwhelming sense of inadequacy falls over me.
I can’t breathe.
With a pounding pulse
my eyes blur the images before me –
will I ever know what it means to be passionate?
To know the fulfillment and satisfaction
of working with my hands,
finding what I’m meant to do,
what I’m here for –
will I ever get to this?
“And you shall know that I am the Lord,
when I open your graves,
and take you from your graves,
O my people.
And I will put my Spirit within you,
and you shall live,
and I will place you in your own land.
Then you shall know that I am the Lord.”
~Ezekiel 37: 13-14
There are times in life when I believe Jesus forces us into a time of rest.
It allows one to reflect, to ponder, to dream.
These reflective moments for me, while usually are scratched upon paper with pencil, at times are hurriedly texted into the most suitable item at hand – my phone. Here is a small and brief token of what Jesus is showing me:
“I want a life that is both utterly exhausting and yet entirely fulfilling.
I don’t know when these dreams will become reality. I don’t know when the longing of my heart will be filled.
But, I’m trusting you.
You know my heart better than I could ever express. Your love for me and for who I am is greater than these longings. And it’s because of your compassionate love that makes this time of waiting so sweet.”